Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Whales vs. Huns endscene
Joke story for school.
(end paragraph is all you need to read.)
Once upon a time there was just a small town girl. Living in a lonely world, she took the midnight train going to Anywhere. Also, in the same time period, there was just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit, he also took the midnight train going to Anywhere. She couldn’t stop believin in whales, as she loved them greatly, while he couldn’t stop believing in defeating the Huns.
As he rode the train going to Anywhere, he addressed the other passengers commanding, “Lets get down to business to defeat the Huns!” The passengers looked around with great confusion, they just wanted to get to Anywhere –for they knew the whales would easily defeat the Huns. He continued, “did they send me daughters when I asked for sons.” In response to his indirect insult, a woman with her young, but very feminine son, rose to her feet and angrily blocked his way down the isle of the train. As she was a large and fairly burly woman, she was easily able to congest the city boy’s path. “YOU SHALL NOT PASS” she screamed. The tension rose. Eyes bolted from side to side. She was not going to allow him to pass.
However! one of the passengers happened to be Blockbuster producer Michael Bay, and without a script of even a project green light, he exploded her. A million burly broad bits scattered throughout the train. The city boy, now realizing the girly boy no longer had a very manly mother to help him one day become a man, he sympathized with the boy’s plight, took his hand saying, “You’re the saddest girl- boy Ive ever met . But you can bet before we’re through, somehow Ill make a man out of you.”
The small town girl, on the other hand, was on her way to Anywhere, to be a whale translator, for the great whale-Hun war was upon the land. As she sat silently, her phone disturbed her (temporary) peace. Her freshly exed boyfriend was calling! He wept and pleaded to her, to take him back. She sighed into the phone, ‘I don’t love you anymore.’ ‘Love’ a term he had wrestled with for years, confused him. ‘ WHAT IS LOVE?!’, he cried, as she laughed at him over the phone. Weary of being hurt by his constantly failing relationships, he whined, ‘ Baby don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me. No mo.’
She hung up. ‘Another one bites the dust’, she said smilingly to herself. By this time she had arrived in Anywhere, on the whale side of the tracks. ‘WAOUURRUGGGG’, said the whales waiting at the station. They knew their salvation had arrived.
The city boy, had been in Anywhere for a few days now, and was training the new whale recruits in ‘manliness on the darkside of the moon’, a proven Hun destroying technique. Suddenly! The small town girl walked into camp. And proclaimed, ‘I can speak whale! WAEUUUUUUUUUU’ The army of a thousand whales rejoiced, bellowing ‘UUUUUURRRRUUUUNNN’ in response. They were ready.
The next day, at dawn they began their attack on the Huns. At the moment the Huns were unprepared, as they had been crocheting their armor for the battle. The whales crept up silently to the Hun camp, with human compatriots on their blubbery backs. This was probably the worst idea anyone could have fathomed, as whales are REALLY heavy, and rather noisy with the blowhole business and all. They crunched leaves, knocked over trees, and were incredible mouthbreathers.
The Huns grabbed their weapons, not expecting an ambush! The Hun commander screamed ‘THIS IS MADNESS!” and began the counter-attack. As the opposing armies approached a cataclysmic collision, Morgan Freeman’s voice echoed over the battlefield. ‘This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny.’ The first Hun blade pierced whale blubber with little impact. And the massive sea-dwelling mammals simply laid on top of their adversaries. The battle was won. Everyone just kinda looked around. Not knowing where to go from there. The small town girl and the city boy gazed into each others eyes. And knew there was only one thing that could happen. It was almost as perfect as a song.
Just then! Blockbuster movie Director Michael Bay arose from the crumpled corpses of the Hun army and exploded everything. Gazing around at all the devastation, he epicly proclaimed, ‘Oops I did it again. And I’ll do it again in Transformers 3. ‘ Laughing hysterically he ascended into the clouds, never to be heard from again.